The sad news is this weekend I was back to crying over breastfeeding. I had run out of all purpose nipple cream and I thought things were looking better so I hadn't refilled the prescription. Huge mistake. The thrush pain came back with a vengeance. I can't quite describe the burning sensation in my breasts, but it is awful and then when Finn latches on, it is like fire. So, on Sunday I researched on kellymom (a great breastfeeding resource) and decided to fight this thing with every known remedy out there. I am cutting out sugar and dairy. I refilled the nipple cream. I am washing with a vinegar solution after every feeding. I am taking acidophilus 6x/day, garlic supplements 4x/day, echinacea 4x/day and Finn and I are doing gentian violet treatments. This is the weirdest part. I am supposed to paint my nipples with this stuff and his mouth 2x/day before a feeding. The trouble is it is bright purple and stains everything. Poor Finn looks like a goth rocker with purple lips. I am also calling my midwife and hopefully she will get me on a more aggressive internal treatment. I am hoping this will be resolved by the time we go to Colorado next week. If not, I am seriously at my wit's end. It is funny, I was so righteous about breastfeeding when I was pregnant. I couldn't fathom why anyone wouldn't breast feed or would give up. I totally get it now. Which is not to say that I am giving up, but I have been humbled and totally get why women find themselves unable to go on. I so want it to be the natural, pleasurable, bonding experience that I have read about. I have had maybe one or two good sessions in the last 6 weeks that do give me hope that it can be that way if I can just figure all of this out. I am desperate to be pain-free. I also feel awful constantly complaining about this. I know everyone is tired of the same old story from my end, but it seriously consumes me. Considering I feed Finn around 8x/day and he is going through the 6 week cluster feeding growth spurt, this is the most prevalent part of my life right now.
So, I am sure you all have heard of the big ice storm in the Northeast. NH got hit hard and over 300,000 homes lost power. We really lucked out and didn't have any problem here in Concord. They have shelters set up all over the state for people without power and heat. Our family in Northwood did lose power and probably won't have anything back up until Tuesday. Luckily they have wood heat. We went out to celebrate Liam's 2nd birthday on Saturday and everything was very cozy with the wood stove burning. Here are some pictures from the party.
Finn with his Nana and Aunt Kate and cousin Annalise:
Finn slept the whole time:
Liam loved his cake:
Liam's chainsaw was the biggest hit:
3 comments:
I'll never be tired of hearing about you!! I just wish I could be there to support you. I felt the same way with breastfeeding and while I am thankful I got nine months of nursing with Emily, I do not regret the decision I made with Rachel (although, most of it was out of my hands). Combine that frustration with the PPAD and I would have really been one unhappy mama. It's all about doing what you feel is best; there is no wrong decision when it's a mother deciding the best course for herself and her child! I say keep going.... you are truly one of the strogest women I know and you will get through this. We love you and remember, my children don't believe in sleep- I'm here anytime you want to talk- day or night!! Love you!!!!
Gina is spot on - no mother-child decision is exactly the same and you have to do what you feel is best for the both of you. Keep your chin up!
Finn's little snowman hoodie is SO CUTE!!!!!!
hi sadie - you are such a fighter!! I'm so in awe. you are doing all the right things. I wish i could give you a big hug. i agree with gina, you WILL get through this. and do what is best for you as a family. keep up all the hard work. i think its worth it!! have you been to a LLL meeting? those mamas can help give you a boost of confidence. if nothing else it could be a good time to vent to an understanding crowd.
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